So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
