Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
