Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
