currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
