So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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