No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
