I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
