his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
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