lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
