Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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