ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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