On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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