there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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