Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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