youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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