Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
