i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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