The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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