Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
