I think im going to throw up on grandma
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
