He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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