its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
