its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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