My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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