your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Randomize
