if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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