I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
