This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
