hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
My apartment stinks of burning failure
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
