Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just had sex on a roof
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
