saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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