I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
