Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
