i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
