1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
