I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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