We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
