Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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