I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
