I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I stole a fireplace last night.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
