I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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