My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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