: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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