im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she smelled like a LAN party
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
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And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job