I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie