I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
They have beer where we have blood.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
