I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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