Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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