I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
