I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
