check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
