Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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