I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
