you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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