and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You've changed since you got that strap on
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize