dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
