I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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