Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
