UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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