Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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