The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
