I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
