Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
