During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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