maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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