We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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