it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
