does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
