Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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