It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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