I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
