On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
