Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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