Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
