News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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