That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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