Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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