Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize